Conversations about Famous People

Its gossip time!

2007-11-13T03:42:00.001Z

YES! Im posting celebrity photos, a tad bit of gossip...check it out on www.hellodollface.com!

Whats Up?

2007-04-10T03:21:00.000+01:00

Let's be Myspace friends. **Click here to add me.**

**Go here** to order my high-larious, Hollywood satire-ish novel called A Thousand Dollars for A Kiss. I got an email from Britney Spears who loved the book and read it during her stay at Promises. Right back atcha Brit! BFF forever, girlfriend!

Meet me for a jolly good time at Vroman's Bookstore in Pasadena on May 3rd at 7:oo pm.

2006-09-23T20:26:00.000+01:00

Hey there!

Be sure to visit me on my beauty blog, http://hellodollface.blogspot.com/

and my writers site, http://conversationsfamouswriters.blogspot.com/

And be sure to look on Amazon.com and Barnes&Noble.com in November for my novel, A Thousand Dollars for a Kiss.

Thanks to every single one of you who visited this site and supported my year of celebrity gossip!

MORE FAMOUS PEOPLE BLOG

2006-02-26T20:57:00.000Z

Please go to

http://morefamouspeople.blogspot.com/

http://morefamouspeople.blogspot.com/

FYI

2006-02-24T22:02:00.000Z

I KNOW. The slow loading page is driving me to drink and dabble in illegal drugs. Just like Pete Doherty!

I'm moving to a new page so bear with me while I get it together.

In the meantime, I just posted an interview with Rent star Anthony Rapp. And be sure to travel over to the fashion blog and discuss some Project Runway with us! And check out the cool Human Rights Campaign tee shirts by Marc Jacobs!

Random photos and linkage

2006-02-22T00:00:00.000Z

Nick wants half of everything in the divorce. He wants half of the money and the jewelry he bought Jessica. When Newlyweds began, he was best known for being the lead singer of the boy band, O-Town. I mean, N*SYNC. Or was it The Backdoor Boys? Either way, she catapulted to fame while he was forced to live in the shadow of his wife. That must have sucked!

Now Jessica is dating Adam Levine, singer from Maroon 5. Do you think she would learn her lesson and date a non-singer? How about that nice boy, Ryan Seacrest, wouldn't they make an equally tan couple? Anyway, Nick and Papa Joe almost got in a fight, over this whole divorce kerfluffle. Bring it on old man!

This is Whitney's Crack on Ice look. Do you think she should have left the babushka at home or taken off the coat? Why only one glove? Because two would have taken a rather subtle outfit too far.

Scarlett Johansson looks like someone put her under a dermatologist's mirror and showed her what skin damage is. She glows! Rather than find her tropically cancerous skin condition attractive, I think she resembles a sixty year old socialite from Boca Raton with bad botox.

When asked if he was dating Teri Hatcher, George Clooney replied with an enthusiastic, "Hell to the No!" But he is sneaking around with Ms. Bulimia Squishy Cheeks herself, Ms. Renee Zellweger. The two dated a while ago and have been seen together recently.

With nothing better to do than think about creative ways to keep Katie's pillow from looking stale, Tom is considering a lawsuit. He wants to sue Life & Style for printing those awful lies about he and his lady love Katie splitting up. Nothing is further from the truth! They are so happy and in love, witness his fingers digging deep into the fleshy skin of her upper arm in the above photo.

Sienna Miller is usually downright pretty. But here, not so much. Sienna reminds me of a teenage boy wearing his sisters clothes in the above photo. No offense to teenage boys.

This is almost a nip slip! Better have the double sided tape ready.

Modest and ethereal. I like it. Mischa Barton looks like an angel. But she is filled with devish hatred for a certain someone. Cat fight! Bring it on bitches!

Oh dear. It's the Statue of Liberty on crack.

Earlier this day, Jennifer Love Hewitt was shopping at the Hustler store. So rest assured she is wearing crotchless panties made of chocolate. Also, it was her birthday. I sent her a support bra and a bottle of hair dye. Her beehive is too dark and her boobs are drifting too far south.

Haylie Duff turned 30 and had a party...but I was not invited. That was a real surprise actually. She and I, we're tight. Anyway, isn't her dress quite similar to the one Paris wore to her birthday party? Who forgot to tell me the dress du jour was a hot pink satin number with black lace? Gah! I wore the bright blue tube top with satin hot pants and thigh high boots. Once again, I missed the dress code.

I feel so sorry for Charlize. Not only is she super ugly but look at those sausage legs, poor girl.

(kidding, people, I'm kidding!)

Y'all Britney went to Maui for some sun and relaxation with Little P. Yup. Kevin is nowhere to be seen. Like, duh! He's busy in the studio making his music.

Oye vey! Isn't this guy behind bars or detoxing somewhere? Pete Doherty said Kate Moss called him and that she still loves him! Yes! Is that the pink elephants talking or are the unicorns riding over the rainbow again?

Ralph, or Rafe as you like to be called, listen. ..You didn't have to bring a high priced hooker to the awards show! All I ask for is a nice bottle of wine and maybe a good dinner, a fancy dress and a pair of Jimmy Choos. Why, you didn't have to shell out thousands to bring that rental girl with you!

Aren't you petrified the world knows your secret? Or was dating a sixty-one year old woman embarrassing enough? Either way, call me for the Oscars, love. Im available at a moments notice. And I have a buy one-get one free coupon I'm willing to extend as well.

*photos from JJB, Gossiprocks, Saving Face

Eva's Panties

2006-02-21T23:55:00.000Z

Eva and Fergie: a duo in facial shine. Get some blotting papers girls!

A guy tried to run off with Eva Longoria’s underpants on the set of Desperate Housewives. I guess you can say he was desperate. I can think of nothing I would want less than a pair of someone else's underpants. I wonder if they contained incriminating DNA, that's worth much more. Has she spent time with Paris Hilton lately? How about Clay Aiken?

The man simply wanted to earn a buck or two by auctioning off the offending garments on ebay. That’s a likely explanation. Why else would you want Eva’s panties? That’s simply gross, especially if they came out of the basket marked, Dirty Laundry. Security guards chased the man off the premises before he could make his way to Marcia Cross’s dressing room. Oddly, a jock strap was found in Nicolette Sheridan’s wardrobe.

Eat Angie, Eat!

2006-02-21T23:43:00.000Z

empty calories!

they think they can escape the paparazzi?

Angelina as a child

see the guy holding Angie's purse? I want one of those

Angelina Jolie has been told by her dcotors to chow down and put some weight on her skinny bones. Angie, as I call her, should be gaining weight in anticipation of the World's Most Beautiful Baby, instead she is starving herself. She needs to take a page out of Britney Spear's pre-natal guide and make herself some mayonaisse sandwiches and deep fry a couple of Twinkies. Secretly, I think Brad likes his women skinny. Brad encourages his girlfriends/wives to stay super- skinny and in return he will dye his hair to match theirs. It's true. For that alone I could never be involved with Brad. I like to eat!

Angie has gained twelve pounds thus far and is risking her baby’s health if she doesn’t start eating more. She’s in france! Croissants and fine baked goods, breads and chocolates abound, what's the problem? I would probably tip the scales at over 200 lbs if I were to move to France. Oh wait, French Women Don't Get Fat!

Brad and Angie are setting up house in France just like Johnny Depp. They are doing this in hopes that the paparazzi will leave them alone and they can be a private, normal family... normal Forget it!

The relocation makes it very difficult for Aunt Jennifer and Uncle Vince to come visit and babysit the infant who is rumored to be a boy and be called either William or Marlow. Plus, I don't ship gifts internationally so they can forget about a pair of mini distressed jeans from Auntie DJ.

Celine and her crazy face

2006-02-21T23:23:00.000Z

Celine Dion and Elton John sang together at a benefit to raise money for workers affected by Hurricane Katrina. The show was "aimed at helping some 8,000 workers of Harrah's Entertainment Inc. (the company had casinos in the Gulf Coast region)." (people.com)

The only thing worse than a night full of Celine Dion ballads is a night of Celine’s funky expressions which are downright frightful. The woman has a powerful voice, there is no doubt but her facial contortions rival Jim Carrey's. A face of silly putty yet the voice of an angel.

More Paris?

2006-02-21T05:24:00.000Z

Val and Paris in 'Wonderland'

Paris and her 'friend', Nicole Lenz

Sleazy photos of Paris Hilton and Val Kilmer are circulating, so consider yourself warned. The hot and heavy sex- a- thon has been captured in photos and the pix are said to have come from her vault of personal items. You know the storage facility where she forgot to pay her bill. Oops!

The pictures leave nothing to the imagination and I for one, don't want to see a bloated, boozy Val and a nude Paris romping around, you can get an STD just by looking at her. Ironically, Val also dated Zeta Graff, ex-girlfriend of Paris’s ex, Paris Latsis. So sleeping with Val was like sleeping with Zeta who also slept with Paris. It's just one big cesspool of disease with undertones of syphilis! Im going blind!

Now another X-rated video is rumored to have surfaced, this time PH goes Girls Gone Wild with Playboy model Nicole Lenz. One Night in Paris pales in comparison to this new tape. Lesbian action and sex play ensue...according to hearsay and gossip, Paris and Nicole decided to hole up at a luxury suite at the Bellagio Hotel (not the Hilton Flamingo?) after a night of drinking and partying on the strip. What are two girls to do when it's not yet time for their beauty sleep? Why not...make a porn? You know, those Gideons leave the Bible in the hotel room for a purpose, hint hint Paris. I'm surprised her cooter isnt held together with duct tape at this point. Maybe it is...

Says Nicole, "The moment we were in the room Paris had only one thing on her mind - sex. We lied down on a king size bed and took it in turns to play with each other. It wasn't long before we were naked and rolling around together." The two horny broads played with sex toys for hours, recording it all! Good thing Paris taught Tinkerbell how to work the video recorder.

Of course all parties involved deny the steamy night ever happened. We'll see when Two Nights, a Banana and a Curling Iron in Paris is available at your neighborhood video store.

Random

2006-02-20T06:36:00.000Z

Natalie Portman, she is too pretty. But did she have a little help at one point?

Jessica Simpson totes her hairdresser Ken Paves around like he is a portable Malibu Ken doll while she's sporting the synthetic Barbie doll hair. I can't wait to see Jessica in her new movie roll where she plays a Wal* Mart cashier. I hope she wears a shapeless blue smock.

See what happens when you leave your pregnant girlfriend for a younger woman? Billy Crudup was actually rather hot before he got involved with Claire Danes. She hits him with the ugly stick every night before they go to bed. He's got crazy eyes!

Nicole Kidman better stop with the hair dye and diet pills because she's losing her pretty tresses. She's going bald! This is very severe. Maybe its a side effect from having the chip removed from her brain after the spaceship took her up to the intergalactic hideout of Ron Hubbard during her marriage to Tom. Could be.

MK Olsen had Bob Saget hot glue Mariah Carey's Lady Godiva extensions onto her head. Here's a tip: fake, long, pretend hair isn't pretty. Do you really want to look like a cartoon of a mermaid? How about a Kinkajou monkey wearing a Star Jones Wig?

This bitch never smiles! I would have a grin on my face all day and night if I had ridiculous amounts of cash like the Olsen twins, yet her mug is always in a scowl or pucker. Lighten up and count your jillions!

I try not to post porn so excuse this photo. Tom is whiter than Ryan Seacrest's bleached teeth after a Zoom session. Like Katie really sleeps with that apparition? Please. Disgusting! I bet he smells like novacaine and ammonia.

And Katie, Burberry plaid is so yesterday! Clearly you are too busy with your robotic instruction to keep up with fashion. Let the Scientology handlers know that you can shop on your own, okay?

Belly Watch: medium to large, mid-range.

K. Fed Bomb

2006-02-20T06:21:00.000Z

Cornrows and a bodyguard are tight!

You bitches, its me, K. Fed comin atcha. Yo. Let me lay out there for you. I’s in the studio day and night workin’ on my new single which is droppin’ like a K Fed bomb soon. My rap song is called, Shizzle on my Swizzle. Yo man, the shit is tight. Peeps all up in my Kool-aid, shit. I'm keepin' it real and aint frontin' and when it hits the air, youre gonna know it.

Did you see my interview with that magazine? I dont know what one. What you think I am? Im a rapper not no scholar, yo! News…something. Newday. Newsmuntz. I’s tellin’ them that no matter how good of a rapper I is, and I'm good, peeps findin’ something to pick on me for. Yeah. Dats right. Everybodies ear hustlin and writin' shit about me. Yo man, Im just here tryin' to get my swirl on. Woo woo!

If you take a notice, my PopoZao gots 2 million hits man. My shit is the macaroni wit da cheez. You know it. Now Is tole Brit I don’t want her on my album. Its gonna be a hit. Real crunk. I don’t need her coming in my studio and messin shit up. She don’t know nada about rap, man, it takes talent. Talentizzle. My muzic is off da miz-onkey.

Heres what Im saying' "We have collaborated. But I'm not going to put the songs on this album because it's like, 'Respect me first; then I'll show you what I've done with my wife.'"

Show me some respect man, I deservizzle it!

Paris turns 25!

2006-02-20T06:04:00.000Z

Paris Hilton turned 25 on February 17th which means she and I both fall under the astrological sign of Aquarius. Many Aquarians have mental problems, it's a proven fact and a reason why I'm so fond of my "happy pills" which Tom Cruise is trying to wean me off of. Paris is also known to have a delicate emotional constitution. Who would have thought we were alike in any way? Aside from that, the things Paris and I have in common ends abruptly.

In the above photos, either Paris is bloated or has a belly full of semen from a fellow party-goer, perhaps many deposits were made in the bank of Hilton that evening. We will never know because Paris doesn't kiss and tell. She does however, take copious notes and lock her journals in storage facilities. She also is open to video taping her exploits so stay tuned for a video surfacing on the internet.

In other P. Hilton news, she cites drugged out rocker Pete Doherty as a musical influence. Yes, you read that correctly. Click here for the full story. She wants to jump his fragile and coke- filled bones. Why? Because Kate Moss did and she's hot!

Cameron's run- in with a bird

2006-02-20T05:40:00.000Z

According to the Mirror, Cameron Diaz was almost killed....by a bird. Seriously!

Since she is a Big Movie Star, she wouldn’t be caught driving herself around, instead her chauffer was at the wheel of a silver Range Rover when a carnivorous bird with giant wings and a pointy beak answering to the name Britney came swooping down, cracking the glass and showering Cam with dangerous shards! Now she has an excuse to apply band-aids to her many oozing zits under the guise of her "lacerations".

Her driver remained cool and collected, as if a killer bird smashing into cars was totally normal in England. I don't know, is it? I would never be in a moving vehicle with Cam, that chick is a walking disaster prone to broken bones and missteps. It wasn’t so long ago that she was climbing on top of a dresser when she took a tumble. (probably drug related). Another time she had a surf boarding accident (perhaps she was drunk) and before that there were other accidents, too many to count. Lesson learned? Stay away from Cameron. Even though she is filthy rich and dating Justin Timberlake, the risks you take while being in her clutzy presence simply isn't worth the company.

Oh Dear, Britney....

2006-02-19T04:55:00.000Z

disease contraction

reckless Cheeto consumption

child endangerment

cell phone + gas = explosion

POPZAO! KABOOOOM!

Britney needs a crash course in the dangers of life and all the many rules we peons must follow on a daily basis. She walks into a fecal- and- urine infested gas station restroom, eats junk food, smokes cigarettes, chats on her cell phone despite the obvious large warnings on the gas pump that warns against cell usage. Does she think rules were made to be broken? Yes, she does.

TMZ has a video she might be interested in...

Nicole cries

2006-02-19T04:42:00.000Z

Nicole is in tears because she just ate a french fry and now the weight is going right to her hips!

Seriously, you would cry too if the world was aware that you....

... slept with this man! She didn't even get paid to put out with Busta Rhymes. If I had to look at that mug and kiss those lips believe me, there would be an exchange of Benjamins if you get my drift. This is totally something Paris would do, not Nicole. After all, Paris slept with yucky druggie Tom Sizemore who looks like he's been stonewashed and acid rinsed then spun out and hung on the line to dry.

In other Busta news- well it all just pales in comparison to knowing he got it on with Nicole! She must have been high, drunk or smelling of desperation. Click here to read about what's going down with Busta and the murder of his bodyguard.

Paris and her new RBFFN, thats Rich Best Friend For Now

2006-02-19T04:03:00.000Z

Camille is wearing a dress from the Las Vegas showgirl review at the Tropicana Hotel and Casino. Viva la girls! Sparkles and spangles and glitter!

She cleaned out the flour from her belly button, added a diamond stud and a dab of eau de dirty bedsheets and the essence of old money toilette water

The photos are of Paris Hilton at Camilla Al Fayed's birthday party in London. Camilla is Paris's alter ego heiress twin from England. Her dad owns the Harrods department store (her step-brother dated Princess Diana) and she grew up playing with Christian Louboutin shoes and Balenciaga gowns, obviously leading a childhood similar to my own. Oh, the memories of playing with mother's diamonds and sapphires, dressing up in Chanel and Yves St Laurent. My glory days!

Like Paris, Camilla decided not to pursue college because she "isn't academic". In other words, why go to school when your family is loaded and you will never have to work a day in your life? He's no heiress but I'm sure Kevin Federline understands.

Jen goes hairless!

2006-02-19T03:38:00.000Z

Jennifer Aniston got a full body wax for her new movie, The Break Up starring as you know, her real life boyfriend Vince Vaughn. Now she is as soft and slick as a wet baby seal! Eat your heart out Brad. Like he cares! He doesn’t.

The hair removal was for a scene in the film where Jen’s character Brooke gets nude in front of Vince's character named Shlumpy Pete (no it isn't- I made that up). So basically when I say Jen takes it all off, that includes all clothes and hair. I wish she was bald. That would be a dedicated actress to part with her lovely locks. You know, Angelina would do it in a heartbeat and then send her shorn tresses to Locks of Love!

Glove for sale

2006-02-19T03:14:00.000Z

oh yes, it could be yours!

the magic is in the glove, along with other DNA...

It was just this morning that I was wondering what else I could buy on ebay besides a few liters of Vincent Gallo's sperm (I just realized how TomKat got pregnant!). Like manna from heaven, there it was in all its white splendor: The Glove.

Yessir, Michael Jackson’s single glove is for sale and the bids start at a mere $250K. A steal! A bargain for the glove that touched the hand that touched the crotch of the king of pop.

I don’t know why but Liza Minelli’s ex-husband David Gest owned the glove. Its a little something from his “private collection” which used to sit in a locked glass case next to Liberace’s rhinestoned purple knee socks and Elton John's hot pink, ostrich feather trimmed boa.

The description of The Glove reads:

"This is specifically a glove to be worn in concert as there are no stones on the palm side, so holding the microphone and manipulating the fedora hat is easier. On the back side of the glove are hundreds of rhinestones individually sewn on. This glove is a significant piece of pop history."

Funny, no mention of a free 2 liter bottle of Jesus Juice included with the sale of the glove, not even a dvd of the making of Thriller. What a rip off! Save your money for Michael Jackson's newly worn burkha from his trip to the Middle East. That comes with a free black wig and a coupon for a pair of Curious George pajama bottoms.

Kelly to leave Reeeggggeeee

2006-02-19T01:31:00.000Z

Is Kelly saying 'Goodbye' to her morning show with heavily pancaked, wrinkled old Regis?

I'd fit in perfectly! Note the heavily sprayed and teased bangs. East Coast mall hair returns!

Kelly Ripa is thinking of leaving old windbag Regis so she can take the place of Katie Couric on the Today show. That is amazing because Kelly is not a reporter which means anyone can do Katie Couric's job, all you need to do is fake it. Fake it to make it as I always say.

This opens up a spot on the Live With Regis & ---- show. And I think I would be perfect for the job. I have no qualms about telling Regis to shut it when he talks about going down to Mar-a-Lago to visit Trump. Who gives a shit! I'd knock him in the chest with my elbow a few times and he'd stop showboating about his upcoming venues with Susan Lucci. Dude, lets get a younger demographic in the a.m! Plus working for ABC would give me unlimited Star Jones sightings and photo ops!

Says the ultimate trusted news source, The National Enquirer:

Under the bombshell deal, sources disclose Kelly would get her own talk show as part of an extended Today show — meaning she'd go head-to-head against Regis on Live! Insiders disclose that the potential deal is the brainchild of NBC head honcho Jeff Zucker. Said a close source: "Jeff realizes that Katie has her mind made up to bolt to CBS when her contract expires in May and take the big job as the evening news anchor — the slot made famous by Dan Rather."She wants to be taken seriously as a newswoman and CBS is confident she'll be the perfect fit. Despite all the money that's been thrown at her to stay, she's determined to exit."

UPDATE

2006-02-17T21:00:00.000Z

HEY !

I've been out of town and unable to update. I know, I know- I need a Treo! It's on my wishlist, trust me.

Check back in later or tomorrow, I'll have to catch up on my celeb news and report back.

Paris caught in flour bomb!

2006-02-15T16:26:00.001Z

What could be better than a flour covered Paris Hilton at a Fashion Show given by fur loving designer Julien MacDonald? At first I thought Julien MacDonald was the guy from Nip/Tuck. Yeah I don't watch much television. Like Apple, Gwyneth Paltrow's daughter, I like to keep things light and dance to the Wiggles. They're hot!

Anyway, Ms. Hilton was pelted with bags of flour and Julien, most certainly not the Nip/Tuck hottie, was doused as well. Paris incidentally topped Peta's Worst Dressed List last year so she deserved the flouring too. Julien was targeted because he loves to create his fashions using furs, just like J. Lo. I hate fur! I rather go naked. That's why I'm wearing nothing right now.

"There is nothing remotely fashionable about the torture and death of animals killed for fur," said Peta Europe's Yvonne Taylor.

As for Paris, when all was said and done, she actually tried to snort the flour off herself, thinking she had been a victim of a cocaine shower. She was actually giddy with excitement! The funny thing was, everyone let her believe it.

Tom Cruise, no longer cuckoo for Katie?

2006-02-15T06:58:00.000Z

"Did you wash your hands, you digusting humanoid?"

"Don't touch me with your human skin. Have you been doused in the sanitizing chamber?"

Ahhh, the days of innocence. The Ken Wahl of Wiseguy look. Give me Tough! Butch! Hetero!

After this appearence, Oprah bought new couches and burned the old ones. No one gets footprints on Oprah's furniture!

This is what crazy looks like. Evil eyes!

The internet is rampant with Tom Cruise- Katie Holmes rumors. Like a bad virus or a venereal disease, the gossip is spreading with no end in sight with a lot of red oozing sores and itching.

Life & Style magazine has a cover story on the break up of Tom and Katie. Their sources are very reliable. Here is a direct quote:

Multiple insiders confirmed the story to Life & Style, with one longtime friend of Tom’s saying: “Their relationship is basically over.” Another friend adds: “They both agreed that the marriage wouldn’t work and they wanted to end it before they learned to hate each other.” The insiders say that Tom, 43, and Katie, 27, plan to keep up the charade of a romance until after their baby’s birth this spring.

What I think happened is that someone forgot to flick Katie's switch to ON and she was starting to think for herself. Does the contract mean nothing to you, Katie? Millions of dollars and a luxurious lifestyle, all you had to do was act the part. Now we can put to rest who was the better actress, Katie or Nicole. Nic hung in there for ten solid years. It was an Oscar caliber sham. Too bad they dont give out awards for that.

Kate's been through hell- or at least, the Intergalactic Federation of Xenu's Confederacy- and back. She is going to need years of deprogramming and steady cognitive therapy, I'm not kidding. Maybe this is just a hoax- does Tom have a movie coming out soon?

In any case, if it's true, who is Tom going to approach for the role of his beard? Its a very lengthy process to induct a new member and he must be very picky.

Mischa Barton? No, Keds are evil. Nicole Richie? No, she might not be able to handle the emeter. Kanye West? Getting warmer...Ryan Seacrest...getting hot...Clay Aiken? Perfect! Oh wait, there's one small problem, he's... got red hair and a southern accent. Damn we were so close. Well, I hear Paula Abdul is single...and she's already short a few brain cells.

Paris Does Munich

2006-02-15T06:46:00.000Z

thank goodness for excellent microphone placement

I don't know why Paris Hilton has to sully the good name of Disney but she is trying on clothes from the Belle Collection at the new Disney store in Munich. No, she really isn't, she's actually picking up an award for the Most Well Traveled Cooch of the Year! Oh gosh, that's so bad! I really do love Paris but I don't know what she was doing accepting a Woman of the Year award. There was a reason but I'm not interested in finding out what it was.

I'm sure the dresses she is trying on are some kind of cultural costumes but I couldn't help of think of Belle from Beauty and the Beast with pumped up cleavage and no underpants. Oh and a whopping case of syphilis.

*paris photos via JJB

Britney has a tummy ache and it hurts y'all!

2006-02-15T03:30:00.000Z

Y'all my belly hurtses!

"We're told Spears complained of stomach cramps. This afternoon, Spears' publicist told TMZ that her client was on her way home from the 'Will & Grace' set when she stopped at Urgent Care because she was coming down with a cold and not feeling well."

Naturally we can surmise that she has a bleeding ulcer from being married to K. Fed who was last seen wearing a beanie and shooting rubber pellets from a building in Studio City with his friends. Duh!

And where was SPF? Dont worry, he was being taken care of by the cats at Brit's Malibu home.

Theres a little trouble with the litter box but its all good.

Peons and minions like you and me, or just you, wait out the oncoming cold and take extra vitamin C, some zinc and do a few enemas with a vodka chaser. However Britney heads to Urgent Care where she undoubtedly scoots to the front of the line and gets tip-top care including a lollipop and a bed pan for a keepsake. She's so lucky!