Tuesday, January 31
File this under G for Gross. Tom Cruise is afraid to lay his hands on a naked Katie Holmes, for fear he might hurt his unborn alien baby. The lobster claws are not yet formed and the cone head is just beginning to protrude- the act of lovemaking may cause irreparable damage to the spawn. Imagine if the green horns don’t fully develop? Now that would be embarrassing for the parents. How would the child ever be granted a trip to the Galactic Confederacy?
El Ron Hubbard warned of complications if a couple dared to have sex during pregnancy. From his grave he called out to Tom NOT to touch Katie. He may however, perform special rituals, clear her thetans, administer an emeter and plug her up with those anal probes I'm so fond of.
Tom has decided not to so much as look at Katies growing/shrinking belly, at least until baby Elrondo is born in a silent entry into this world. Is there a certain level of comfort in the knowledge that Tom and Katie aren’t doing it? Honestly, they probably never engaged in “relations” especially considering she is carrying the baby of the guy who runs the whole Scientology freak show and is Tom’s best buddy.
Grab your vodkatinis. It's time to chat!
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