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Tuesday, November 13

Its gossip time!

YES! Im posting celebrity photos, a tad bit of gossip...check it out on!

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Tuesday, April 10

Whats Up?

Let's be Myspace friends. **Click here to add me.**

**Go here** to order my high-larious, Hollywood satire-ish novel called A Thousand Dollars for A Kiss. I got an email from Britney Spears who loved the book and read it during her stay at Promises. Right back atcha Brit! BFF forever, girlfriend!

Meet me for a jolly good time at Vroman's Bookstore in Pasadena on May 3rd at 7:oo pm.

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Saturday, September 23

Hey there!

Be sure to visit me on my beauty blog,

and my writers site,

And be sure to look on and Barnes& in November for my novel, A Thousand Dollars for a Kiss.

Thanks to every single one of you who visited this site and supported my year of celebrity gossip!

Sunday, February 26


Please go to

Friday, February 24


I KNOW. The slow loading page is driving me to drink and dabble in illegal drugs. Just like Pete Doherty!

I'm moving to a new page so bear with me while I get it together.

In the meantime, I just posted an interview with Rent star Anthony Rapp. And be sure to travel over to the fashion blog and discuss some Project Runway with us! And check out the cool Human Rights Campaign tee shirts by Marc Jacobs!

Wednesday, February 22

Random photos and linkage

Nick wants half of everything in the divorce. He wants half of the money and the jewelry he bought Jessica. When Newlyweds began, he was best known for being the lead singer of the boy band, O-Town. I mean, N*SYNC. Or was it The Backdoor Boys? Either way, she catapulted to fame while he was forced to live in the shadow of his wife. That must have sucked!

Now Jessica is dating Adam Levine, singer from Maroon 5. Do you think she would learn her lesson and date a non-singer? How about that nice boy, Ryan Seacrest, wouldn't they make an equally tan couple? Anyway, Nick and Papa Joe almost got in a fight, over this whole divorce kerfluffle. Bring it on old man!

This is Whitney's Crack on Ice look. Do you think she should have left the babushka at home or taken off the coat? Why only one glove? Because two would have taken a rather subtle outfit too far.

Scarlett Johansson looks like someone put her under a dermatologist's mirror and showed her what skin damage is. She glows! Rather than find her tropically cancerous skin condition attractive, I think she resembles a sixty year old socialite from Boca Raton with bad botox.

When asked if he was dating Teri Hatcher, George Clooney replied with an enthusiastic, "Hell to the No!" But he is sneaking around with Ms. Bulimia Squishy Cheeks herself, Ms. Renee Zellweger. The two dated a while ago and have been seen together recently.

With nothing better to do than think about creative ways to keep Katie's pillow from looking stale, Tom is considering a lawsuit. He wants to sue Life & Style for printing those awful lies about he and his lady love Katie splitting up. Nothing is further from the truth! They are so happy and in love, witness his fingers digging deep into the fleshy skin of her upper arm in the above photo.

Sienna Miller is usually downright pretty. But here, not so much. Sienna reminds me of a teenage boy wearing his sisters clothes in the above photo. No offense to teenage boys.

This is almost a nip slip! Better have the double sided tape ready.

Modest and ethereal. I like it. Mischa Barton looks like an angel. But she is filled with devish hatred for a certain someone. Cat fight! Bring it on bitches!

Oh dear. It's the Statue of Liberty on crack.

Earlier this day, Jennifer Love Hewitt was shopping at the Hustler store. So rest assured she is wearing crotchless panties made of chocolate. Also, it was her birthday. I sent her a support bra and a bottle of hair dye. Her beehive is too dark and her boobs are drifting too far south.

Haylie Duff turned 30 and had a party...but I was not invited. That was a real surprise actually. She and I, we're tight. Anyway, isn't her dress quite similar to the one Paris wore to her birthday party? Who forgot to tell me the dress du jour was a hot pink satin number with black lace? Gah! I wore the bright blue tube top with satin hot pants and thigh high boots. Once again, I missed the dress code.

I feel so sorry for Charlize. Not only is she super ugly but look at those sausage legs, poor girl.
(kidding, people, I'm kidding!)

Y'all Britney went to Maui for some sun and relaxation with Little P. Yup. Kevin is nowhere to be seen. Like, duh! He's busy in the studio making his music.

Oye vey! Isn't this guy behind bars or detoxing somewhere? Pete Doherty said Kate Moss called him and that she still loves him! Yes! Is that the pink elephants talking or are the unicorns riding over the rainbow again?

Ralph, or Rafe as you like to be called, listen. ..You didn't have to bring a high priced hooker to the awards show! All I ask for is a nice bottle of wine and maybe a good dinner, a fancy dress and a pair of Jimmy Choos. Why, you didn't have to shell out thousands to bring that rental girl with you!
Aren't you petrified the world knows your secret? Or was dating a sixty-one year old woman embarrassing enough? Either way, call me for the Oscars, love. Im available at a moments notice. And I have a buy one-get one free coupon I'm willing to extend as well.
*photos from JJB, Gossiprocks, Saving Face

Tuesday, February 21

Eva's Panties

Eva and Fergie: a duo in facial shine. Get some blotting papers girls!

A guy tried to run off with Eva Longoria’s underpants on the set of Desperate Housewives. I guess you can say he was desperate. I can think of nothing I would want less than a pair of someone else's underpants. I wonder if they contained incriminating DNA, that's worth much more. Has she spent time with Paris Hilton lately? How about Clay Aiken?

The man simply wanted to earn a buck or two by auctioning off the offending garments on ebay. That’s a likely explanation. Why else would you want Eva’s panties? That’s simply gross, especially if they came out of the basket marked, Dirty Laundry. Security guards chased the man off the premises before he could make his way to Marcia Cross’s dressing room. Oddly, a jock strap was found in Nicolette Sheridan’s wardrobe.

Eat Angie, Eat!

empty calories!

they think they can escape the paparazzi?

Angelina as a child

see the guy holding Angie's purse? I want one of those

Angelina Jolie has been told by her dcotors to chow down and put some weight on her skinny bones. Angie, as I call her, should be gaining weight in anticipation of the World's Most Beautiful Baby, instead she is starving herself. She needs to take a page out of Britney Spear's pre-natal guide and make herself some mayonaisse sandwiches and deep fry a couple of Twinkies. Secretly, I think Brad likes his women skinny. Brad encourages his girlfriends/wives to stay super- skinny and in return he will dye his hair to match theirs. It's true. For that alone I could never be involved with Brad. I like to eat!

Angie has gained twelve pounds thus far and is risking her baby’s health if she doesn’t start eating more. She’s in france! Croissants and fine baked goods, breads and chocolates abound, what's the problem? I would probably tip the scales at over 200 lbs if I were to move to France. Oh wait, French Women Don't Get Fat!

Brad and Angie are setting up house in France just like Johnny Depp. They are doing this in hopes that the paparazzi will leave them alone and they can be a private, normal family... normal Forget it!

The relocation makes it very difficult for Aunt Jennifer and Uncle Vince to come visit and babysit the infant who is rumored to be a boy and be called either William or Marlow. Plus, I don't ship gifts internationally so they can forget about a pair of mini distressed jeans from Auntie DJ.

Celine and her crazy face

Celine Dion and Elton John sang together at a benefit to raise money for workers affected by Hurricane Katrina. The show was "aimed at helping some 8,000 workers of Harrah's Entertainment Inc. (the company had casinos in the Gulf Coast region)." (

The only thing worse than a night full of Celine Dion ballads is a night of Celine’s funky expressions which are downright frightful. The woman has a powerful voice, there is no doubt but her facial contortions rival Jim Carrey's. A face of silly putty yet the voice of an angel.

More Paris?

Val and Paris in 'Wonderland'

Paris and her 'friend', Nicole Lenz

Sleazy photos of Paris Hilton and Val Kilmer are circulating, so consider yourself warned. The hot and heavy sex- a- thon has been captured in photos and the pix are said to have come from her vault of personal items. You know the storage facility where she forgot to pay her bill. Oops!

The pictures leave nothing to the imagination and I for one, don't want to see a bloated, boozy Val and a nude Paris romping around, you can get an STD just by looking at her. Ironically, Val also dated Zeta Graff, ex-girlfriend of Paris’s ex, Paris Latsis. So sleeping with Val was like sleeping with Zeta who also slept with Paris. It's just one big cesspool of disease with undertones of syphilis! Im going blind!

Now another X-rated video is rumored to have surfaced, this time PH goes Girls Gone Wild with Playboy model Nicole Lenz. One Night in Paris pales in comparison to this new tape. Lesbian action and sex play ensue...according to hearsay and gossip, Paris and Nicole decided to hole up at a luxury suite at the Bellagio Hotel (not the Hilton Flamingo?) after a night of drinking and partying on the strip. What are two girls to do when it's not yet time for their beauty sleep? Why not...make a porn? You know, those Gideons leave the Bible in the hotel room for a purpose, hint hint Paris. I'm surprised her cooter isnt held together with duct tape at this point. Maybe it is...

Says Nicole, "The moment we were in the room Paris had only one thing on her mind - sex. We lied down on a king size bed and took it in turns to play with each other. It wasn't long before we were naked and rolling around together." The two horny broads played with sex toys for hours, recording it all! Good thing Paris taught Tinkerbell how to work the video recorder.

Of course all parties involved deny the steamy night ever happened. We'll see when Two Nights, a Banana and a Curling Iron in Paris is available at your neighborhood video store.

Monday, February 20


Natalie Portman, she is too pretty. But did she have a little help at one point?

Jessica Simpson totes her hairdresser Ken Paves around like he is a portable Malibu Ken doll while she's sporting the synthetic Barbie doll hair. I can't wait to see Jessica in her new movie roll where she plays a Wal* Mart cashier. I hope she wears a shapeless blue smock.

See what happens when you leave your pregnant girlfriend for a younger woman? Billy Crudup was actually rather hot before he got involved with Claire Danes. She hits him with the ugly stick every night before they go to bed. He's got crazy eyes!

Nicole Kidman better stop with the hair dye and diet pills because she's losing her pretty tresses. She's going bald! This is very severe. Maybe its a side effect from having the chip removed from her brain after the spaceship took her up to the intergalactic hideout of Ron Hubbard during her marriage to Tom. Could be.

MK Olsen had Bob Saget hot glue Mariah Carey's Lady Godiva extensions onto her head. Here's a tip: fake, long, pretend hair isn't pretty. Do you really want to look like a cartoon of a mermaid? How about a Kinkajou monkey wearing a Star Jones Wig?

This bitch never smiles! I would have a grin on my face all day and night if I had ridiculous amounts of cash like the Olsen twins, yet her mug is always in a scowl or pucker. Lighten up and count your jillions!

I try not to post porn so excuse this photo. Tom is whiter than Ryan Seacrest's bleached teeth after a Zoom session. Like Katie really sleeps with that apparition? Please. Disgusting! I bet he smells like novacaine and ammonia.

And Katie, Burberry plaid is so yesterday! Clearly you are too busy with your robotic instruction to keep up with fashion. Let the Scientology handlers know that you can shop on your own, okay?

Belly Watch: medium to large, mid-range.

K. Fed Bomb

Cornrows and a bodyguard are tight!

You bitches, its me, K. Fed comin atcha. Yo. Let me lay out there for you. I’s in the studio day and night workin’ on my new single which is droppin’ like a K Fed bomb soon. My rap song is called, Shizzle on my Swizzle. Yo man, the shit is tight. Peeps all up in my Kool-aid, shit. I'm keepin' it real and aint frontin' and when it hits the air, youre gonna know it.

Did you see my interview with that magazine? I dont know what one. What you think I am? Im a rapper not no scholar, yo! News…something. Newday. Newsmuntz. I’s tellin’ them that no matter how good of a rapper I is, and I'm good, peeps findin’ something to pick on me for. Yeah. Dats right. Everybodies ear hustlin and writin' shit about me. Yo man, Im just here tryin' to get my swirl on. Woo woo!

If you take a notice, my PopoZao gots 2 million hits man. My shit is the macaroni wit da cheez. You know it. Now Is tole Brit I don’t want her on my album. Its gonna be a hit. Real crunk. I don’t need her coming in my studio and messin shit up. She don’t know nada about rap, man, it takes talent. Talentizzle. My muzic is off da miz-onkey.

Heres what Im saying' "We have collaborated. But I'm not going to put the songs on this album because it's like, 'Respect me first; then I'll show you what I've done with my wife.'"

Show me some respect man, I deservizzle it!

Paris turns 25!

Paris Hilton turned 25 on February 17th which means she and I both fall under the astrological sign of Aquarius. Many Aquarians have mental problems, it's a proven fact and a reason why I'm so fond of my "happy pills" which Tom Cruise is trying to wean me off of. Paris is also known to have a delicate emotional constitution. Who would have thought we were alike in any way? Aside from that, the things Paris and I have in common ends abruptly.

In the above photos, either Paris is bloated or has a belly full of semen from a fellow party-goer, perhaps many deposits were made in the bank of Hilton that evening. We will never know because Paris doesn't kiss and tell. She does however, take copious notes and lock her journals in storage facilities. She also is open to video taping her exploits so stay tuned for a video surfacing on the internet.

In other P. Hilton news, she cites drugged out rocker Pete Doherty as a musical influence. Yes, you read that correctly. Click here for the full story. She wants to jump his fragile and coke- filled bones. Why? Because Kate Moss did and she's hot!

Cameron's run- in with a bird

According to the Mirror, Cameron Diaz was almost a bird. Seriously!

Since she is a Big Movie Star, she wouldn’t be caught driving herself around, instead her chauffer was at the wheel of a silver Range Rover when a carnivorous bird with giant wings and a pointy beak answering to the name Britney came swooping down, cracking the glass and showering Cam with dangerous shards! Now she has an excuse to apply band-aids to her many oozing zits under the guise of her "lacerations".

Her driver remained cool and collected, as if a killer bird smashing into cars was totally normal in England. I don't know, is it? I would never be in a moving vehicle with Cam, that chick is a walking disaster prone to broken bones and missteps. It wasn’t so long ago that she was climbing on top of a dresser when she took a tumble. (probably drug related). Another time she had a surf boarding accident (perhaps she was drunk) and before that there were other accidents, too many to count. Lesson learned? Stay away from Cameron. Even though she is filthy rich and dating Justin Timberlake, the risks you take while being in her clutzy presence simply isn't worth the company.

Sunday, February 19

Oh Dear, Britney....

disease contraction
reckless Cheeto consumption

child endangerment

cell phone + gas = explosion


Britney needs a crash course in the dangers of life and all the many rules we peons must follow on a daily basis. She walks into a fecal- and- urine infested gas station restroom, eats junk food, smokes cigarettes, chats on her cell phone despite the obvious large warnings on the gas pump that warns against cell usage. Does she think rules were made to be broken? Yes, she does.

TMZ has a video she might be interested in...

Nicole cries

Nicole is in tears because she just ate a french fry and now the weight is going right to her hips!
Seriously, you would cry too if the world was aware that you....

... slept with this man! She didn't even get paid to put out with Busta Rhymes. If I had to look at that mug and kiss those lips believe me, there would be an exchange of Benjamins if you get my drift. This is totally something Paris would do, not Nicole. After all, Paris slept with yucky druggie Tom Sizemore who looks like he's been stonewashed and acid rinsed then spun out and hung on the line to dry.

In other Busta news- well it all just pales in comparison to knowing he got it on with Nicole! She must have been high, drunk or smelling of desperation. Click here to read about what's going down with Busta and the murder of his bodyguard.

Paris and her new RBFFN, thats Rich Best Friend For Now

Camille is wearing a dress from the Las Vegas showgirl review at the Tropicana Hotel and Casino. Viva la girls! Sparkles and spangles and glitter!

She cleaned out the flour from her belly button, added a diamond stud and a dab of eau de dirty bedsheets and the essence of old money toilette water

The photos are of Paris Hilton at Camilla Al Fayed's birthday party in London. Camilla is Paris's alter ego heiress twin from England. Her dad owns the Harrods department store (her step-brother dated Princess Diana) and she grew up playing with Christian Louboutin shoes and Balenciaga gowns, obviously leading a childhood similar to my own. Oh, the memories of playing with mother's diamonds and sapphires, dressing up in Chanel and Yves St Laurent. My glory days!

Like Paris, Camilla decided not to pursue college because she "isn't academic". In other words, why go to school when your family is loaded and you will never have to work a day in your life? He's no heiress but I'm sure Kevin Federline understands.

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